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If President Obama met with Kim Jong-Un…
- A self-absorbed, quasi-billionaire “developer” from New York would’ve flipped his shit on Twitter and probably actually typed the word shit, since his Twitter typing is shall we say…not strong
- Some conservative, 60-something from a suburb somewhere in Pennsylvania who thinks Pyongyang is a game he once played while tailgating at a football game would’ve actually died from his head exploding
- Articles of impeachment would’ve been drawn up
- Half of Republican voters would’ve believed Obama was born in Kenya and not Christian (oh I’m sorry, they already do)
- Sean Hannity would yell so hard people wouldn’t be able to understand him…though that’s true of many sane-minded persons anyways
- A bar fight would’ve broken out somewhere in the South betwen some white “dudes” and a black person who they assumed was Barack Obama since they’ve never spoken to a black person
- Fox “News” would’ve surely had some white Korean War vet on at least six of their shows to talk about how disgraceful this was while asking him if this is what he fought for. Then, one of their anchors/hosts would’ve talked about how important the Battle of Iwo Jima was to America’s freedoms, been told that occured during World War II, argued about that, never admitted an error, and then blamed Hillary Clinton for World War II, the Korean War, and the pinging noise his car made on the way to the studio
- Paul Ryan would’ve told us that tax cuts are the only way to solve this crisis
- Facebook would’ve briefly shut down from the the overflow of curse words and use of the word treason causing Mark Zuckerberg to briefly regret creating it. Then he would check his bank accounts, realize he had enough money to buy North Korea and gone about doing nothing to limit the vitriol on FB
- Sports media would’ve cited LeBron James’ inability to prevent it as proof that he’s not the greatest player ever, while celebrating Kevin Durant and Stephen Curry for the sun coming up that morning
